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Saturday, August 21, 2010

[lawak] Magician Secret

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During a recent vacation in Atlantic City, a couple went to see a popularmagic show. After one especially amazing feat, a woman from the back ofthe theater yelled out, 'Hey, how'd you do that?''I could tell you,madam', the magician answered, 'But then I'd have to kill you.'After ashort pause, she yelled back, 'Ok, then... Just tell my husband!'

Friday, August 20, 2010

[fakta] Red Indian Adalah Penganut Islam

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السلام عليكم . بِسْــــمِ اﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم.لا إله إلاَّ الله.محمد رسو ل الله
الحمد لله رب العا لمين. الصلاة و السلام على رسو ل الله.اما بعد




Jika Anda berkunjung Washington DC, datanglah ke Perpustakaan Kongres (Library of Congress).

Lantas, mintalah transkip perjanjian pemerintah Amerika Syarikat dengan suku Cherokee, salah satu suku Indian, tahun 1787. Di sana akan ditemukan tanda tangan Kepala Suku Cherokee saat itu, bernama AbdeKhak dan Muhammad Ibnu Abdullah.


Isi perjanjian itu antara lain adalah hak suku Cherokee untuk melangsungkan keberadaannya dalam perdagangan, perkapalan, dan bentuk pemerintahan suku cherokee yang saat itu berdasarkan hukum Islam. Lebih lanjut, akan ditemukan cara berpakaian suku Cherokee yang menutup aurat sedangkan kaum laki-lakinya memakai turban (surban) dan terusan hingga sebatas lutut.



Berbicara tentang suku Cherokee, tidak lari dari individu bernama Sequoyah. Ia adalah orang asli suku cherokee yang berpendidikan dan menghidupkan kembali Syllabary suku mereka pada 1821. Syllabary adalah semacam aksara. Jika kita sekarang mengenal abjad A sampai Z, maka suku Cherokee memiliki aksara sendiri.




Yang membuatnya sangat luar biasa adalah aksara yang dihidupkan kembali oleh Sequoyah ini mirip sekali dengan aksara Arab. Bahkan, beberapa tulisan masyarakat cherokee pada abad ke-7 yang ditemukan terpahat pada bebatuan di Nevada sangat mirip dengan perkataan ”Muhammad” didalam bahasa Arab.




Nama-nama suku Indian dan ketua sukunya yang berasal dari bahasa Arab tidak hanya ditemukan pada suku Cherokee (Shar-kee), tapi juga Anasazi, Apache, Arawak, Arikana, Chavin Cree, Makkah, Hohokam, Hupa, Hopi, Mahigan, Mohawk, Nazca, Zulu, dan Zuni. Bahkan, beberapa ketua puak suku Indian juga mengenakan tutp kepala khas orang Islam. Mereka adalah Kepala Suku Chippewa, Creek, Iowa, Kansas, Miami, Potawatomi, Sauk, Fox, Seminole, Shawnee, Sioux, Winnebago, dan Yuchi. Hal ini ditunjukkan pada foto-foto tahun 1835 dan 1870.



Secara umum, suku-suku Indian di Amerika juga percaya adanya Tuhan yang menguasai alam semesta. Tuhan itu tidak tercapai oleh panca indera. Mereka juga meyakini, tugas utama manusia yang diciptakan Tuhan adalah untuk memuja dan menyembah-Nya. Seperti penuturan seorang Ketua Suku Ohiyesa : ”In the life of the Indian, there was only inevitable duty-the duty of prayer-the daily recognition of the Unseen and the Eternal”. Bukankah Al-Qur’an juga memberitakan bahawa tujuan penciptaan manusia dan jin semata-mata untuk beribadah pada Allah.!


Bagaimana ketua suku Indian Cheeroke itu seorang muslim?

Sejarahnya panjang,

Semangat orang-orang Islam dan Cina saat itu untuk mengenal lebih jauh planet (tentunya saat itu nama planet belum terdengar) tempat tinggalnya selain untuk melebarkan pengaruh, mencari jalur perdagangan baru dan tentu saja memperluas dakwah Islam mendorong beberapa di antara mereka untuk melintasi kawasan yang masih dianggap 'gelap' dalam peta-peta mereka pada ketika itu.

Beberapa nama tetap begitu tersohor sampai saat ini bahkan hampir semua orang pernah mendengarnya sebut saja Cheng Ho dan Ibnu Batutta, namun beberapa lagi hampir-hampir tidak terdengar dan hanya tercatat pada buku-buku akedemik.

Para ahli geografi dan intelektual dari kalangan muslim yang mencatat perjalanan ke benua Amerika itu adalah Abul-Hassan Ali Ibn Al Hussain Al Masudi (meninggal tahun 957), Al Idrisi (meninggal tahun 1166), Chihab Addin Abul Abbas Ahmad bin Fadhl Al Umari (1300 – 1384) dan Ibn Battuta (meninggal tahun 1369).

Menurut catatan ahli sejarah dan ahli geografi muslim Al Masudi (871 – 957), Khashkhash Ibn Saeed Ibn Aswad seorang navigator muslim dari Cordoba di Andalusia, telah sampai ke benua Amerika pada tahun 889 Masehi. Dalam bukunya, ‘Muruj Adh-dhahab wa Maadin al-Jawhar’ (The Meadows of Gold and Quarries of Jewels), Al Masudi melaporkan bahwa semasa pemerintahan Khalifah Spanyol Abdullah Ibn Muhammad (888 – 912), Khashkhash Ibn Saeed Ibn Aswad berlayar dari Delba (Palos) pada tahun 889, menyeberangi Lautan Atlantik, hingga mencapai wilayah yang belum dikenal yang disebutnya Ard Majhoola, dan kemudian kembali dengan membawa berbagai harta yang menakjubkan.

Sesudah itu banyak pelayaran yang dilakukan mengunjungi daratan di seberang Lautan Atlantik, yang gelap dan berkabut itu. Al Masudi juga menulis buku ‘Akhbar Az Zaman’ yang memuat bahan-bahan sejarah dari pengembaraan para pedagang ke Afrika dan Asia.



Dr. Youssef Mroueh juga menulis bahwa selama pemerintahan Khalifah Abdul Rahman III (tahun 929-961) dari dinasti Umayah, tercatat adanya orang-orang Islam dari Afrika yang berlayar juga dari pelabuhan Delba (Palos) di Sepanyol ke barat menuju ke lautan lepas yang gelap dan berkabut, (Lautan Atlantik). Mereka beroleh kembali dengan membawa barang-barang bernilai yang diperolehnya dari tanah yang asing.

Beliau juga menuliskan menurut catatan ahli sejarah Abu Bakr Ibn Umar Al-Gutiyya bahwa pada masa pemerintahan Khalifah Spanyol, Hisham II (976-1009) seorang navigator dari Granada bernama Ibn Farrukh tercatat meninggalkan pelabuhan Kadesh pada bulan Februari tahun 999 melintasi Lautan Atlantik dan mendarat di Gando (Kepulaun Canary).

Ibn Farrukh berkunjung kepada Raja Guanariga dan kemudian melanjutkan ke barat hingga melihat dua pulau dan menamakannya Capraria dan Pluitana. Ibn Farrukh kembali ke Sepanyol pada bulan Mei 999.

Perlayaran melintasi Lautan Atlantik dari Magribi dicatat juga oleh penjelajah laut Shaikh Zayn-eddin Ali bin Fadhel Al-Mazandarani. Kapalnya berlepas dari Tarfay di Magribi pada zaman Sultan Abu-Yacoub Sidi Youssef (1286 – 1307) raja keenam dalam dinasti Marinid. Kapalnya mendarat di pulau Green di Laut carebbean pada tahun 1291. Menurut Dr. Morueh, catatan perjalanan ini banyak dijadikan rujukan oleh ilmuwan Islam.

Sultan-sultan dari kerajaan Mali di Afrika barat yang beribukota di Timbuktu, ternyata juga melakukan perjalanan sendiri hingga ke benua Amerika. Sejarawan Chihab Addin Abul-Abbas Ahmad bin Fadhl Al Umari (1300 – 1384) memerinci eksplorasi geografi ini dengan seksama. Timbuktu yang kini dilupakan orang, dahulunya merupakan pusat peradaban, perpustakaan dan keilmuan yang maju di Afrika. Ekpedisi perjalanan darat dan laut banyak dilakukan orang menuju Timbuktu atau bermula dari Timbuktu.



Sultan yang tercatat dalam sejarah hingga ke benua baru saat itu adalah Sultan Abu Bakari I (1285 – 1312), saudara dari Sultan Mansa Kankan Musa (1312 – 1337), yang telah melakukan dua kali ekspedisi melintas Lautan Atlantik hingga ke Amerika dan bahkan menyusuri sungai Mississippi.

Sultan Abu Bakari I melakukan eksplorasi di Amerika tengah dan utara dengan menyusuri sungai Mississippi antara tahun 1309-1312. Para penjelajah ini berbangsa Arab. Dua abad kemudian, penemuan benua Amerika diabadikan dalam peta berwarna Piri Re’isi yang dibuat tahun 1513, dan dipersembahkan kepada raja Ottoman Sultan Selim I tahun 1517. Peta ini menunjukkan belahan bumi bahagian barat, Amerika selatan dan bahkan benua Antartika, dengan penggambaran pesisiran Brasil secara cukup terperinci.
Columbus sendiri mengetahui bahwa orang-orang Carib (Caribbean) adalah pengikut Nabi Muhammad. Dia faham bahwa orang-orang Islam telah berada di sana terutama orang-orang dari Pantai Barat Afrika. Mereka mendiami Caribbean, Amerika Utara dan Selatan. Namun tidak seperti Columbus yang ingin menguasai dan memperbudak rakyat Amerika. Orang-Orang Islam datang untuk berdagang dan bahkan beberapa menikahi orang-orang pribumi.
Lebih lanjut Columbus mengakui pada 21 Oktober 1492 dalam pelayarannya antara Gibara dan Pantai Kuba melihat sebuah masjid (berdiri di atas bukit dengan indahnya menurut sumber tulisan lain). Sampai saat ini sisa-sisa reruntuhan masjid telah ditemukan di Kuba, Mexico, Texas dan Nevada.

Dan tahukah anda? 2 orang nahkoda kapal yang dipimpin oleh Columbus kapten kapal Pinta dan Nina adalah orang-orang muslim yaitu dua bersaudara Martin Alonso Pinzon dan Vicente Yanex Pinzon yang masih keluarga dari Sultan Magribi Abuzayan Muhammad III (1362). [THACHER,JOHN BOYD: Christopher Columbus, New York 1950]
Dan mengapa hanya Columbus saja yang sampai saat ini dikenal sebagai penemu benua amerika? Kerana saat terjadi pengusiran kaum yahudi dari sepanyol sebanyak 300000 orang yahudi oleh raja Ferdinand yang Kristian, kemudian orang-orang yahudi mencari dana untuk pelayaran Columbus dan berita ‘penemuan benua Amerika’ dikirim pertama kali oleh Christopher Columbus kepada kawan-kawannya orang Yahudi di Sepanyol.

Pelayaran Columbus ini nampaknya haus publikasi dan diperlukan untuk menciptakan legenda sesuai dengan ‘pesanan penaja’ Yahudi sang penyandang dana.Maka tampak ada ketidak-jujuran dalam menuliskan fakta sejarah tentang penemuan benua Amerika. Penyelewengan sejarah oleh orang-orang Yahudi yang terjadi sejak pertama kali mereka bersama-sama orang Eropah menjejakkan kaki ke benua Amerika.


CREDIT:

carigold forum

cari forum

[lawak] Tandas

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Seorang pemuda mencari2 tandas .. kes tak tahan la nie.. bila terjumpa..
terpandang akan dia signboard disitu..
"Buang Air Kecil 30 sen.. Buang Air Besar 20 sen.."

"Wah mahal juga kencing di sini. Ah, tipu aje cakap buang air besar. Penjaganya
bukan tahu pun" kata pemuda
dalam hati..

Setelah selesai, pemuda keluar dan menghampiri penjaga toilet. "Akak.. saya
buang air besar" kata pemuda sambil menghulurkan wang 20 sen.

"Ehh.. tak cukup nie" kata penjaga toilet.

"Kenapa pulak? Di situ kan tertulis kalau buang air besar bayarnya cuma 20 sen"

"Macam ni encik.. kalau encik buang air besar pasti diiringi dengan buang air
kecil..
tapi kalau buang air kecil tidak mungkin diiringi dengan buang air besar!"

"Jadi?" tanya pemuda

"Bayarannya 50 sen!" kata penjaga toilet yakin..

[lawak] Gotta be 82

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(susah sket nak paham nanti aku terangkan)

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates ofHeaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time foryou."

"What do you mean," he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Whydid I have to die now?"
"45? You're not 45, you're 82," replied the angel.
"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45.I can show you my birth certificate."

"Hold on. Let me go check," said the angel and disappeared inside. After a fewminutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you are 82. I checkedall the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..."


###############################

joe ni seorang lawyer dan die caj client die ikut jam.. dalam citer ni die overcharge la.. kalo totalkan semua caj die, die dah melebihi umur die yang sepatutnye.. nak paham lagi tanye lawyer.. hehe

CREDIT:sufi_aulia@mforum

[lawak] The closest shave

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A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber isfoaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting aclose shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a smallwooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this betweenyour cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barberproceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.
After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech."And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrowlike everyone else does."

[lawak] Never argue with women

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One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat..

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'


'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

[lawak] Mr. Peabody, Mr Bradley and Sam

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Mr. Bradley and his wife have moved to a new apartment in a new building on the 11th floor. The building wasn't yet completed since the elevator wasn't yet installed. So they had to take up the furniture through the emergency stairway. With difficulties and sweat, and by the end of the day, they managed to complete the task. Mrs. Bradley wanted to do laundry so she asked Mr. Bradley to be a good boy and go down to Mr. Peabody's new store and buy her soap detergent. Mr. Bradley went down the stairway from the 11th. floor and entered Mr. Peabody's new store.

Mr. Bradley : "Hello Mr. Peabody. I would like some soap detergent for my wife."

Mr. Peabody : "What brand name is your washer machine?"

Mr. Bradley : "Why??.. I don't know ... Why? "

Mr. Peabody : " I can't sell you soap detergent unless you told me the make of your washer machine. I have a store to run and I care about its reputation Mr. Bradley.

Mr. Peabody continued to refuse to sell Mr. Bradley soap detergent unless he told him the make of his washer machine.

So Mr. Bradley became very angry and had to leave and go all the way back up the stairway to get what Mr. Peabody wanted. When he found out the brand of his washer machine, he went back all the way down and told Mr. Peabody the his washer machine's make was (GENERAL ELECTRIC).

Mr. Peabody : " What's the voltage. Is it 110 or 220 volts?"
Mr. Bradley : " I don't know and I don't care! ... Just sell me the stupid detergent!!!!..."

Mr. Peabody : " I can't.. I just can't risk the reputation of my new store. You have told tell me the voltage of your washer machine."

So angrily... Mr. Bradley had to go all the way back up to find out the voltage. As he was going down the stairway, sweating like a dog, he met one of his neighbors, Sam. Sam was naked waist down, and very angry, carrying a toilet seat and going down the stairs also sweating like a dog.

Mr. Bradley : " SAM.... what in the world is going on? why are you naked waist down and carrying a toilet seat?"

Sam : " Leave me alone Mr. Bradley... I'm very angry right now and don't feel like answering." Mr. Bradley kept insisting on Sam to tell him, but Sam kept quite and was getting angrier until they both entered Mr. Peabody's store.

Sam quickly went in, very angry and stood in the middle of the store and yelled as loud as he could saying : " Well Mr. Peabody.... Here's my toilet seat and also here's my ass... NOW.... WOULD YOU PLEASE SELL ME MY TOILET PAPER??"

[lawak] Neighbor's pet

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This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?" The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?" The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"

Thursday, August 19, 2010

[lawak] porch or porsche?

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A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "lease, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."

The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal."

So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."

The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW."

[lawak]two-third full

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The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.

None of the judge's yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted. The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.

The judge couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique. "Oh, there's not much to it," admitted the clerk happily, "I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office."

[lawak] How TO Tell If Your CAT is plotting to KILL YOU

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amacam? comel tak?

[lawak] lawak mat saleh..

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:: Taxi Driver and Passenger ::


A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."


:: La Vegas ::


A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A gent next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won! Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don't know, buddy.... She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up she fainted!"


:: Elmo pun ada ::


Tickle Me Elmo: There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

[lawak] lawak mat saleh..

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:: Taxi Driver and Passenger ::


A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."


:: La Vegas ::


A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100, completely exasperated, she cries, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A gent next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his he is intrigued to hear a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won! Rushing back to the table and pushing his way through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don't know, buddy.... She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up she fainted!"


:: Elmo pun ada ::


Tickle Me Elmo: There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

[lawak] Tok Batin

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Seorang Tok Batin di Bukit Ibam telah membeli sebuah motosikal terpakai. Seperti biasa motorsikal tersebut
tidak mempunyai mud-guard, side-mirror malah plate nombor.

Suatu hari Tok Batin ingin pergi ke Pekan. Dengan semangat yang berkobar-kobar Tok Batin mengunggang motor
kapcainya melalui denai yang berbengkang- bengkok. Tiba dipertengahan jalan ia telah ditahan oleh seorang anak
buahnya.

'Tok, tumpang ke Pekan'

' Boleh, naik di belakang' jawab Tok Batin sambil menunjuk ke belakang.

Sampai di suatu tempat , ada seorang anak buahnya lagi menahan Tok batin.

'Tok, boleh tumpang, kite nak ke Pekan ni'

'Apa salahnye, naiklah di belakang'

Motor pun sampailah ke jalan besar. Ada kira-kira lima kilometer lagi baru sampai ke Pekan. Tok Batin pun
memecut motorsikalnya dengan membawa dua orang anakbuahnya di belakang. Hembusan angin yang meniup tiga biji
kepala tanpa topi keledar itu membuat perjalanan mereka sangat mengasyikkan.

Tiba di kilometer dua, sekatan jalanraya sedang diadakan. Seorang polis trafik menghulur tangan menahan
mereka. Tok Batin dengan muka selamba memecut motornya dengan bertambah laju melepasi sekatan tersebut.

Melihat beberapa kesalahan yang dilakukan oleh Tok Batin,polis trafik terus mengejar beliau. Ia dapat memintas
Tok Batin. Tok Batin dengan serta merta memberek motorsikalnya.

'Oi ape ni, nak bunuh kite ke. Berhenti depan kite macam ni. Tenguk belakang kite ade due orang anak buah
kite. Kamu takpe le pakai topi keras, yang kite ni kepale togel, kalau jatuh tak ke kite mati.' Marah Tok
Batin.

'Pak Cik, kenapa bila saya tahan Pak Cik tak berhenti tadi'

'Oi, tak ade otak ke, belakang motor kite dah penuh dua, tak boleh tumpang lagi lerr... '

[fakta] dont try this at home/school/college

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[lawak] Body Language

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A woman gets on a city bus. She looks at the
driver and holds up one hand; the driver holds up two hands.

Next, the woman points up; the driver points down.
Then, the woman grabs her breast; the driver grabs his crotch.

Finally, the woman grabs her butt and gets off the bus.

A curious passenger asked the bus driver what
the odd motions were all about.

The driver explained, "The woman is a deaf-mute.. She
asked me if a bus ride is five cents, and I told her it was
ten cents. Next, she asked if the bus was going uptown, and I told
her it was going downtown. Then, she asked
if the bus was going pass the milk-farm,and I told her it was
going pass the ball-park."

The passenger interjected, "Okay, but why did she grab her
butt as she left the bus?"

The driver continued, she replied "Oh shit, I'm on the wrong bus!"

[lawak] simply a joke..

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What did the gangster's son tell hisdad when he failed his examination?

" Dad, they questioned me for 3hours,
but I never told them anything !! "



****
What's the differencebetween people
who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?

The ones in the casinos are serious.

****
When I was young I used to pray for a bike,
then I realized that God doesn't work that way,

so I stole a bike and prayed forforgiveness.

****
A little boy went up to his father and asked :
" Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from ? "

His father replied:

" Well, son, you must have gottenit from your mother,

because I still have mine. "

****

John's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying :
"John seems to be a very bright boy,
but spends too much of his time thinking about girls. "

The mother wrote back the next day :
" If you find a solution, please advise. I'm facing the same problem withhis father !

[lawak] What time is it?

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A tramp lie down and sleep in the park. He had been sleeping for about 5minutes when a couple walked by. The man stopped, woke the tramp up ,and asked him, "Excuse me.


Do you know what the time is?" The tramp replied, "I'm sorry - I don't have a watch, so I don't know the time."
The man apologised for waking the tramp and the couple walked away.
The tramp lay down again, and after a few minutes went back to sleep. Just then, a woman, who was out walking her dog, shook the tramp's shoulder until he woke up again.


The woman said, "I'm sorry to trouble you, but I'm afraid I've lost my watch - do you happen to know the time?" The tramp was a little annoyed at being woken up again, but he politely told the woman that he didn't have a watch and didn't know the time.
After the woman had gone, the tramp had an idea.

He opened the bag that contained all his possessionsand got out a pen, a piece of paper and some string. On the paper, he wrote down, 'I do not have a watch. I do not know the time'.


He then hung the paper round his neck and eventually dropped off again.
After about 15 minutes, a policeman who was walking through the park noticed the tramp asleep on the bench, and the sign around his neck.


He woke the tramp up and said, "I read your sign. I thought you'd like to know that it's 2:30 p.m."



Tramp = Homeless person

Apologize = To make excuse for a fault or offense

Politely = Adv for Politely. Refine / Showing consideration for others

Contain = To have as component part

Possession = Noun for possess. To own something

[lawak] Suami Yang Kedekut

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Sepasang suami isteri, dah lama kahwin. Si suami teramat lah kedekut, bukan setakat taik idung masin, taik mata pun masin gak. Salah satu xtvt tahunan mereka ialah mengunjungi satu pameran udara.

Tahun pertama, si isteri nak sangat naik sebuah pesawat ringan. Pergilah mereka berjumpa dengan pilot pesawat tu. "Encik, berapa saya kena bayar untuk menaiki pesawat ni?" tanya si suami

"Tak mahal encik, cuma RM50 untuk satu pusingan" jawab pilot tu.

"Uuiishh. .mahalnya, tak jadi la saya nak naik" jawab si suami lalu menarik tangan isterinya berlalu dari situ. "Baiklah, kalau bayarannya kurang dr RM30, kita naiklah" kata suami yang membuatkan si isteri menarik muka masam krn dia tahu bayarannya pasti akan meningkat lagi tahun ni.

Mereka menuju ke pesawat yang sama cam tahun lepas dan jumpa ngan pilot yang sama
juga. Seperti yang dijangkakan, bayaranya dah jadi RM100. Segeralah si suami menarik tangan isterinya berlalu dr situ. Si pilot td yang kesiankan si isteri yang saban tahun mengimpikan untuk menaiki pesawat tu memanggil mereka semula.

"Encik, berapa yang encik sanggup bayar?" "Aku cuma nak bayar bawah RM30 jer" jawab si suami.

Setelah berfikir seketika, berkatalah si pilot tadi "Baiklah, Encik boleh naik pesawat tu dengan bayaran RM20 sahaja tapi dgn satu syarat"

Gembiralah si suami tadi, RM20 ajer "tapi apa syaratnya"

"semasa di udara, encik dan isteri encik tak boleh mengeluarkan satu suara pun. Kalau bersuara juga, saya akan kenakan bayaran RM10 bagi setiap perkataan yang keluar dari mulut encik atau isteri encik" jawab pilot td sambil tersenyum.

"Baiklah saya setuju" jawab si suami dengan yakin bolehnya.

Maka, naiklah mereka akan pesawat tu. Pilot tadi pun ada niat lain sebenarnya. Dia nak ajar si suami yang kedekut tadi. Dia pun buat lah aksi2 acrobatik yang diakui membahaya. Macam2 aksi dia buat, tapi hairan gak dia sbb suami isteri yang duduk kat belakang dia
tak menjerit pun.

Dia cuba lagi buat aksi2 yang merbahaya, berpusing2 pesawat tu, tapi still senyap gak. Setelah muslihat dia tak berjaya, pilot tu pun mendaratkan lah pesawat dia. Rasa rugi pulak sbb cuma boleh dpt RM20 ajer.

Bila dah mendarat, cuma si suami yang turun dari pesawat tu. "Ehh? mana isteri encik?" tanya pilot tu terkejut.

"Dia dah jatuh masa kau pusing2 pesawat tadi"

"Hahh apasal tak cakap" "Kalau aku cakap nanti kena tambah bayaran lak" jwb si suami sambil menghulurkan RM20 kepada pilot td dan terus berlalu...

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

[fakta]Fenomena Ditindih Hantu(english&malay article)

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What is sleep paralysis? 

Sleep paralysis consists of a period of inability to perform voluntary movements either at sleep onset (called hypnogogic or predormital form) or upon awakening (called hypnopompic or postdormtal form).

Sleep paralysis may also be referred to as isolated sleep paralysis, familial sleep paralysis, hynogogic or hypnopompic paralysis, predormital or postdormital paralysis

What are the symptoms?

A complaint of inability to move the trunk or limbs at sleep onset or upon awakening
Presence of brief episodes of partial or complete skeletal muscle paralysis
Episodes can be associated with hypnagogic hallucinations or dream-like mentation (act or use of the brain)

Polysomnography (a sleep recording) shows at least one of the following:

suppression of skeletal muscle tone
a sleep onset REM period
dissociated REM sleep

Is it harmful?

Sleep paralysis is most often associated with narcolepsy, a neurological condition in which the person has uncontrollable naps. However, there are many people who experience sleep paralysis without having signs of narcolepsy. Sometimes it runs in families. There is no known explanation why some people experience this paralysis. It is not harmful, although most people report feeling very afraid because they do not know what is happening, and within minutes they gradually or abruptly are able to move again; the episode is often terminated by a sound or a touch on the body.

In some cases, when hypnogogic hallucinations are present, people feel that someone is in the room with them, some experience the feeling that someone or something is sitting on their chest and they feel impending death and suffocation. That has been called the “Hag Phenomena” and has been happening to people over the centuries. These things cause people much anxiety and terror, but there is no physical harm.

What else can you tell me about sleep paralysis?

Some people with disrupted sleep schedules or circadian rhythm disturbances experience sleep paralysis
A study found that 35% of subjects with isolated sleep paralysis also reported a history of wake panic attacks unrelated to the experience of paralysis
Sixteen percent of these persons with isolated sleep paralysis met the criteria for panic disorder

How can I stop the sleep paralysis?

In severe cases, where episodes take place at least once a week for 6 months, medication may be used.

You may be able to minimize the episodes by following good sleep hygiene:

getting enough sleep
reduce stress
exercise regularly (but not too close to bedtime)
keep a regular sleep schedule

CREDIT: http://www.stanford.edu/

#######################################################################


Masalah Narcolepsy
Oleh : Mohamed Yosri Mohamed Yong

Narcolepsy merujuk kepada masalah tidur yang menyebabkan rasa mengantuk melampau pada waktu siang dengan kecenderungan untuk terlelap pada waktu yang tidak sesuai. Narcolepsy biasa terdapat, tetapi kesan dalam kehidupan seharian seseorang pengidap Narcolepsy amat mendalam. Mereka tidak boleh memandu, melakukan perkara-perkara merbahaya, sering disalah anggap sebagai gila, dan tersingkir oleh masyarakat. Ubat bagi menyembuhkan Narcolepsy masih belum didapati tetapi dengan kemajuan teknologi, perubatan, dan farmasi masa kini, pengidap Narcolepsy mampu menjalani kehidupan hampir normal.

Tanda-tanda Narcolepsy
Terdapat empat tanda Narcolepsy iaitu :-
#Rasa mengantuk melampau pada waktu siang.
#Cataplexy
#Lumpuh tidur "sleep paralysis"
#khayalan hypnagogic

Dalam kebanyakan kes, tanda Narcolepsy pertama yang paling mengganggu adalah rasa mengantuk melampau pada waktu siang. Tanda-tanda Narcolepsy boleh muncul secara serentak atau perlahan-lahan.

Rasa mengantuk melampau pada waktu siang.
Rasa mengantuk melampau pada waktu siang merupakan tanda pertama disedari oleh pengidap Narcolepsy. Pengidap Narcolepsy bukan sahaja terlelap seperti orang normal seperti selepas makan, atau semasa kelas yang membosankan, tetapi juga pada masa yang mana orang biasa mampu berjaga seperti ketika menonton cerita, menulis surat, memandu, atau ketika sedang bercakap dengan orang lain.

Cataplexy
Cataplexy merujuk kepada kehilangan kawalan otot seketika. Simptom ini biasanya muncul selepas berbulan atau bertahun mengalami perasaan mengantuk. Cataplexy biasanya dicetuskan oleh perasaan yang kuat seperti ketawa, gembira, terkejut, dan kadang kala oleh perasaan marah. Kelemahan otot berbeza dari tahap serdahana di mana terdapat perasaan lemah seketika pada otot kaki - atau menyebabkan kehilangan kawalan otot sepenuhnya yang menyebabkan rebah. Pengidap Cataplexy berada dalam keadaaan sedar sepenuhnya dan berbeza dengan mereka yang beraha hendak pitam. Terdapat kemungkinan mereka yang mengalami Cataplexy tidak mengidap narcolepsy.

Lumpuh tidur "Sleep Paralysisis"
Lumpuh tidur "Sleep Paralysisis" merujuk kepada kehilangan kawalan otot ketika seseorang sedar dari tidur atau hampir tidur. Ia merupakan perasaan yang menakutkan disebabkan mereka menyedari apa yang berlaku disekeliling tetapi tidak mampu bergerak atau bercakap. Berbeza dengan Cataplexy, mereka yang diserang lumpuh tidur sembuh apabila disentuh. Keadaan ini juga dikenali sebagai ditindihhantudikalangan orang melayu. Ini disebabkan mangsa akan sedar apabila disentuh. Oleh itu mereka menganggap kejadian ini disebabkan perbuatan makluk halus yang menindih orang tersebut.

Khayalan Hypnagogic "Hypnagogic Hallucinations"
Khayalan Hypnagogic "Hypnagogic Hallucinations" merupakan pengalaman mimpi nyata yang berlaku ketika seseorang dalam keadaan mengantuk ketika hampir tidur atau terjaga. Pengalaman mimpi nyata ini mungkin melibatkan gambaran atau bunyi yang mengganggu lebih menakutkan lagi sekiranya pengalaman ini disalah tafsir sebagai sakit jiwa. Ramai pengidap Khayalan Hypnagogic melapurkan seseorang atau sesuatu berada di dalam bilik atau diluar bilik mereka. Pengalaman ini lebih menakutkan disebabkan mereka hanya separuh sedar dan tidak dapat mengawal keadaan.

Tanda-tanda tambahan narcolepsy termasuk perbuatan automatik (tugas yang biasa dilakukan tanpa meningati atau sedar perbuatan tersebut.), kesukaran untuk tidur walaupun tertidur awal pada waktu malam. Pengidap narcolepsy juga melapurkan pandangan berganda, tidak mampu memusatkan fikiran, dan hilangan ingatan.

Sebab narcolepsy
Sebab sebenar narcolepsy tidak diketahui pada masa ini, tetapi narcolepsy kelihatannya disebabkan oleh masalah sistem saraf tunjang yang mengawal tidur dan jaga. Ketika bermimpi, manusia normal mengalami kehilangan kawalan otot sama seperti cataplexy dan lumpuh tidur sebagai melindungi diri daripada melakukan perbuatan yang boleh merbahayakan diri sendiri. Pengidap narcolepsy pula mengalami kehilangan kawalan otot dan pengalaman seperti bermimpi yang berlaku pada ketika yang tidak bersesuaian. Kadang-kala Narcolepsy berlaku dalam keluarga, tetapi terdapat pengidap Narcolepsy dikalangan keluarga yang tidak mempunyai sejarah masalah Narcolepsy. Kajian yang sedang dijalankan menunjukkan terdapat gen, yang digabung dengan faktor lain dalam kehidupan seseorang mencetuskan narcolepsy.

Bagaimana narcolepsy dirawat.

Untuk memastikan seseorang menghidapi narcolepsy, kajian tidur malam dan MSLT akan dijalankan. Setelah didiagnosa, pesakit dan pakar tidur perlu bekerjasama untuk memastikan rawatan yang paling berkesan. Pengidap narcolepsy masih belum boleh sembuh sepenuhnya, tetapi tanda-tanda narcolepsy boleh dikawal dengan ubat, rawatan perangai, dan pengawalan persekitaran. Mereka yang mengidap narcolepsy biasanya berasa lebih lega apabila menyedari masalah mereka juga dihidapi oleh orang lain dan mereka bukannya sakit jiwa atau gila seperti yang difikirkan sebelumnya.

CREDIT: mesra.net

[lawak]Presence of Mind to survive

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John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a kilogram of butter. The boy told him they only sold 1kg packets of butter, but the man was persistent. The boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do.

John walked into the back room and said, "There's a bloody fellow out there who wants to buy only half a kilo of butter."

As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."

The manager finished the deal and later said to John, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and I like it a lot. Which place are you from?"

John replied, "I'm from Mexico, sir."

"Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico?" asked the manager. John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up there."

"My wife is from Mexico," the manager said. John replied, "Which team did she play for?"


hahahhahahhaa....

[lawak] Dog Jokes - Liver & Cheese...

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle, "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle, "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....

Liver alone. Cheese mine... (Live Her Alone, She's Mine... )

[lawak] Korang semua same aje!!

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Seorang Pelancong Cina masuk kedalam sebuah bar di Hawaii dan dia amat terperanjat kerana didalamnya terdapat Steven Spielberg! Pengarah filem yang ternama. Sedang dia enak menikmati minumannya tiba-tiba beliau melihat pengarah filem tersebut meluru kepadanya dan melepaskan sebiji penumbuk.

Setelah bangun dari duduknya, beliau menjerit "Apa pasal engkau tumbuk aku ni?"

Pengarah filem tersebut berkata," Itu sebagai balasan di atas pengeboman Pearl Harbor, datuk aku mati pada masa tu".

Cina tersebut membantah. "Aku bangsa Cina laa bodoh! apa kena mengena dengan Jepun pulak?" Pengarah filem tadi membalas "Aaah..! Jepun, Cina, Burma, Vietnam, korang semua sama aje!"

Keadaan kembali reda selepas itu. Setelah memesan sebotol beer lagi, Lelaki Cina tadi terus meluru kepada Pengarah filem dan memberi satu tumbukan yang padu.

"Apa pasal kau tumbuk aku pulak ni?" balas sang pengarah filem.

"Itu sebagai balasan kerana menenggelamkan Titanic, moyang aku ada dalam kapal tu dan mati" balas Cina tadi.

"Hey budak! Titanic tenggelam pasal Iceberg laa bodoh..!" jerit sang pengarah lagi.

"Aaahh! Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg... korang semua sama aje...!"

[lawak] husband and wife

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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that
goes from 0 to 150
in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...



------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...



------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and
realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very
sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on
your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social
Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...




------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----



My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she
sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago,
and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...




------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- ---

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
husband,

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- ------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light
for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night
than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.
I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise
came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at
the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped
out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a
thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom
and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you
running?'

And then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back
out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad
all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started ...


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary? "

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet
appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- - - - -

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have
sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying
"Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife
kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had
something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing,
always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the
house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed
her a toothbrush.

'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said,
'you might as well sweep the driveway.'

and then the fight started...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

[lawak] Civic Vtec Vs Mitsubishi Evo

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Hamid (bukan nama sebenar) baru pulang dari kerja.. tepat 5.30pm beliau sudah terpacak di hadapan Honda Civic Ek kesayangannya.. ini bermakna Hamid shutdown labtopnya dan siap packing utk pulang pada pukul 5.15pm.. ini kerana perjalanan menuju ke parking lot mengambil masa 10 minit.. 5minit spare untuk ke tandas.. enjin dipanaskan hingga ke takat didih.. gear 1 dimasukkan dengan kasarnya.. clutch dilepaskan dengan terkezutnya (kononnya nak wat spin tyerlah)..prom.. pom.. pom.. enjin mati.. muka hamid biru kerana segerombolan awek cun terperasan tragedi sebentar tadi.. aksi yang sama diulang hamid sebanyak 8 kali bagi mengaburkan fikiran awek2 tadik dgn beranggapan awek2 tuh akan ingat hamid sengaja ingin mematikan enjin selepas dihidupkan.. Prangg….!! hamid merempit keretanya setelah awek2 tuh hilang dari pandangan.. bagi menarik perhatian, hamid memecut dengan hanya menggunakan gear 1 agar bunyik vtec kedengaran dengan megahnya melalui serombong ekzos trompet yang baru dibeli melalui www.mudah.my tahun lepas.. lagu Bila Rasaku Ini Rasamu nyanian Kerispatih terpaksa dikuatkan kerana terlalu bising..


masuk ja highway.. EK dipecut mencecah 200kmh.. hamid gayat.. tapi demi menayang kemampuan keretanya.. hamid berpura kool.. tingkap dibuka agar pengguna jalan raya yang lain nampak mukanya.. baru ja meter nak masok 201kmh.. hamid ternampak sebuah kereta kancil di tepi jalan.. nampak mcm megalami masalah.. hamid seorang yang baik hati.. beliau akan menangis bila nampak org susah.. hamid pon berhenti memberi bantuan.. bonet dibuka.. habes bersirat wayar2 dan kabel2 dikerjakan hamid.. oleh kerana hamid x reti nak pasang balik suma wayar tuh.. hamid pon mengoffer owner kancil tuh yang bernama kak leha utk menarik keretanya sampai ke bengkel Razak dan Adik-adik auto services..

tali diikat rapi.. ujian ketahanan dilakukan dengan membakar tali menggunakan lighter hamid sampai gas abes.. tali tuh tak putus.. hamid bangga.. rasa macam nak sms kawan2 memberitahu yang dia berjaya mengikat tali dengan kukuh.. sebelum memulakan perjalanan menuju ke bengkel.. hamid memesan kepada kak leha agar menyalakan lampu tinggi (hi-beam) dan Hon kalo dia bawak terlalu laju.. kak leha setuju..perjalanan pun bermula.. hamid membawa dengan sopan.. kaljuannya kurang 60kmh.. kak leha selesa hingga hampir tertidur.. hamid bawak dengan rilek sambil melayan lagu nasyid sumayyiah dendangan hijjaz..

Vrooomm!!! blues hamid tersentak dengan kehadiran sebuah Mitsubishi Evo X yang memintas pada kelajuan 180kmh.. hamid panas.. pantang kalo org lalu tak tunduk depan dia.. gear 4 hamid dropkan ke gear 3.. Vtec pon terbukak.. PRANNGGGG!! bunyik vtec membuat kan kak leha terbeliak bijik mata kerana terkezut.. kak leha tersandar.. hamid mengejar evo dengan rakusnya.. 100m.. 80m.. 50m.. 30m hinggalah 10mm.. muka hamid pucat kerana takut evo tuh brek mengejut.. tapi tapa.. ada ABS.. hamid leka mengejar evo hingga lupa akan kak leha yang hampir pitam kat blakang tuh.. sgala Hon mahupun hi-beam hamid x perasan.. kak leha hanya mampu mengucap sambil membaca surah al-fatihah serta surah2 basic yang len.. nak baca ayat kursi kak leha lupa (tak tau sebenaqnya).. kak leha pasrah berserah diri..

dalam pada itu.. sebuah perodua kelisa yang dipandu zaki kebetulan berada ditempat kejadian memerhatikan mereka dengan kagumnya.. hampir terlanggar divider jalan.. telefon bimbit dicapai lalu mendail nombor rakan seperjuangannnya ismail.. “isma.. tadik aku nampak ada sorang mamat pakai EK sebijik macam ang dok cucuk rapat Evo kat depan dia.. dekat 240kmh aku rasa.. blakang EK tuh plak ada sebijik kancil stendet pompuan tua bawak dok cucuk EK kaw2 punya.. siap Hon-hon, bagi hi-beam nak potong..” ujar zaki kepada ismail sambil tangan terangkat2 seperti karam singh walia..

[fakta]The Eleven Rules of Life

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It's an excerpt from the book "Dumbing Down our Kids" by educator Charles Sykes. It is a list of eleven things you did not learn in school and directed at high school and college grads.

RULE 1
Life is not fair - get used to it.

RULE 2
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world
will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel
good about yourself.

RULE 3
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out
of high school. You won't be a vice president with
car phone, until you earn both.

RULE 4
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a
boss. He doesn't have tenure.

RULE 5
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your
grandparents had a different word for burger flipping
they
called it Opportunity.

RULE 6
If you mess up,it's not your parents' fault, so don't
whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

RULE 7
Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as
they are now. They got that way from paying your bills,
cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about
how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest
from the parasites of your parent's generation, try
delousing the closet in your own room.


RULE 8
Your school may have done away with winners and losers,
but life has not. In some schools they have abolished
failing grades and they'll give you as many times as
you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the
slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

RULE 9
Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get
summers off and very few employers are interested in
helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

RULE 10
Television is NOT real life. In real life people
actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

RULE 11
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for
one.


CREDIT: truthorfiction.com

[lawak] boss nak cuti...

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"Bos...sayer nk mintak cuti boleh boss??"

Soalan biase bos dengar ...tapi pekerja memang tak biase klu bos die jawab cmni..

"ko nak cuti?..ko dengar sini..setaun ade 365 hari untuk berkerja....ada 52 minggu setahun yang ade cuti hari minggu 2 hari setiap minggu...tinggal 261 hari untuk berkerja...lepas tu ko ade 16 jam mase selepas berkerja bersamaan denga 170 hari..so tinggal 91 hari untuk berkerja...ko g minum petang time keje selama 30 minit bersamaan 23 hari setaun..tinggal hanya 68 hari untuk berkerja. Dengan 1 jam makan tengahari ko telah gune sebanyak 46 hari setaun...tinggal 22 hari untuk berkerja..Pastu selalunya ko amik mc 2 hari setaun so tinggal 20 hari untuk berkerja..Kita ada cuti am 7 hari so hari untuk berkerja tinggal 13 hari..Syarikat ini dengan BAIK HATI bagi 12 hari cuti tuk pekerja die so ade lagi SATU hari jer untuk berkerja ..ko nak amik cuti LAGI....???"

Monday, August 16, 2010

[fakta] yang tidak diketahui

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Berikut adalah fakta-fakta mengenai tubuh badan manusia berdasarkan penyelidikan sains. Fakta-fakta ini mungkin masih tidak diketahui oleh ramai orang:

1. Jika semua saluran urat darah dalam tubuh manusia dicantumkan ia boleh meliputi Jalan Raya sepanjang 96,000 Kilometer .

2. Saraf ditubuh badan manusia dapat menghantar impuls kira-kira 90 Meter sesaat.

3. Jika usus kecil manusia dibelah dan dicantum-cantumkan, ia boleh memenuhi kawasan seluas 9.2 Meter persegi.

4. Manusia akan hilang sebanyak 50 Peratus deria rasa pada usia 60 tahun.

5. Setiap langkah kehadapan anda terpaksa menggerakkan 54 otot dalam tubuh badan.

6. Orang lelaki mudah mendapat buta warna, 10 kali ganda berbanding wanita.

7 . Manusia bernafas kira-kira 23,000 kali dalam tempoh 24 jam.

8. Apabila seseorang bercakap, secara purata 300 titisan air liur akan keluar dalam tempoh seminit, iaitu
kira-kira 2.5 titisan bagi satu perkataan.

9. Secara purata sesaorang itu minum 8,000 gelen air sepanjang hidupnya.

10. Manusia hanya menggunakkan 10 peratus daripada otaknya untuk berfikir.

11. Ketika bersin, semua organ dalam badan tidak berfungsi termasuk jantung. (sebab tuh kena sebut alhamdulillah, syukur sebab tak jalan terus.... bukan sebut pardon me or excuse me..)

12. Kerosakan otak akan berlaku jika suhu badan meningkat melebihi 41 darjah Celcius.

13. Badan manusia mengandungi sulfur yang cukup untuk membunuh kutu anjing, karbon untuk membuat 9,000 batang pensel, potassium, lemak untuk membuat 7 ketul sabun, fosforus untuk membuat 2,200 batang kepala mancis dan air untuk mengisi tangki sebanyak 37 liter.

14. Ketika mulut kering, anda tidak akan dapat menikmati sebarang makanan, ini kerana air liurlah yang membantu kita merasa sesuatu yang masin, manis, masam dan sebagainya.

15. Apabila anda mengecam muka sesaorang anda sedang menggunakan otak sebelah kanan.

16 . Pada retina mata, terdapat lebih 100 juta sel yang cukup sensitif terhadap cahaya.

17. Jika 80 peratus hati manusia dipindahkan, bahagian yang tinggal masih boleh berfungsi, malahan ia akan membesar ke saiz asal dalam tempoh tertentu.

18. Secara purata kita menuturkan 30,000 perkataan sehari, mengambil masa selama 3 jam 30 minit. Ini
bererti dalam tempoh 1 jam kita menyebut 9,000 perkataan yang ada.

19. Jika anda terkurung didalam bilik yang kedap udara, anda akan mati kerana keracunan karbon dioksida bukan kerana kekurangan oksigen seperti yang disangkakan.

20. Secara purata setiap orang makan 51 kilogram bahan perasa temasuk gula dan garam setahun.

[lawak]Pak Ali dan jururawat cantik

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Akhirnya pak Ali yang sudah tua dimasukkan anak-anaknya ke rumah orang-orang tua. Baru saja dia masuk ke sana , seorang jururawat yang ayu sudah datang menemaninya duduk-duduk di anjung.

Begitulah, mereka berdua duduk bersebelahan sambil menatap matahari yang hendak terbenam. Tiba-tiba pak Ali mencondongkan badannya ke kanan.

Si Jururawat dengan cekap menangkapnya agar tidak terjatuh dan menegakkan badannya kembali.

Beberapa saat kemudian kembali pak Ali mencondongkan badannya, kali ini ke kiri. Kembali dengan tangkas si jururawat menegakkannya kembali. Begitulah terjadi selama beberapa menit.

Akhirnya si jururawat membawa pak Ali kembali ke biliknya.

Keesokan harinya anaknya datang melawat.

"Bagaimana keadaan Bapak di sini?" tanya anaknya.

"Menyenangkan . Tilamnya empuk, makanannya enak, jururawatnya manis-manis. Tapi ada satu masalah"

"Masalah apa Pak?"

"Mereka tidak mengizinkan bapak kentut di sini"

[teladan] Kisah Sebuah Jam

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Alkisah, seorang pembuat jamtangan berkata kepada jam yang sedang dibuatnya. hai jam, apakah kamu sanggup untuk berdetik paling tidak 31,104,000 kali selama setahun?�nbsp;

ha?,kata jam terperanjat, mana saya sanggup.
bagaimana kalau 86,400 kali dalam sehari?tanya si pembuat jam.

lapan puluh enam ribu empat ratus kali? Dengan jarum yang ramping-ramping seperti ini?jawab jam penuh keraguan.
bagaimana kalau 3,600 kali dalam satu jam?cadang si pembuat jam.

dalam satu jam harus berdetik 3,600 kali? Banyak sekali itu tetap saja jam ragu-ragu dengan kemampuan dirinya.
Tukang jam dengan penuh kesabaran kemudianberkata lagi kepada si jam. kalau begitu, sanggupkah kamu berdetiksatu kali setiap detik?

ah, kalau begitu, aku sanggup!kata jam dengan penuh semangat.
Maka, setelah selesai dibuat, jam itu berdetiksatu kali setiap detik. Tanpa terasa, detik demi detik terus berlaludan jam itu sungguh luar biasa kerana ternyata selama satu tahun penuhdia telah berdetik tanpa henti. Dan itu bererti ia telah berdetiksebanyak 31,104,000 kali.


Moral :
Ada kalanya kita ragu-ragu dengan segala tugas pekerjaan yang begituterasa berat. Namun sebenarnya kalau kita sudah menjalankannya, kitaternyata mampu. Malah yang kita anggap mustahil untuk dilakukansekalipun.

[lawak] haha mengong

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Mr. Sori: "Yes, you can speak to me."

Lee Sum Wan: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan."

Mr. Sori: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"

Lee Sum Wan: "I'm Sum Wan. I need to talk to Annie Wan. It's
urgent."

Mr. Sori: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone!
But what's this urgent matter about?"

Lee Sum Wan: "Look, just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother
was involved in an accident. Noe Wan was injured and now Noe Wan
is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is going to
the hospital."

Mr. Sori: "Well, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the
hospital from the accident, that isn't an urgent matter! You may
find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"

Lee Sum Wan: "You are very rude. Who are you?"

Mr. Sori: "I'm Sori."

Lee Sum Wan: "You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"

Mr. Sori: "I'm Sori!"

Lee Sum Wan: "I don't like your tone of voice, mister, and I don't
care. Now give me your name!"

Mr. Sori: "Look, lady, I told you already. I'm Sori! I'm Sori!
I'm SORI! You didn't even give me your name!"

Lee Sum Wan: "I told you before, I'm Sum Wan! Sum Wan! You better
be careful, man. My father is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very
prestigious position in the family business. He is Noe Buddy."

Mr. Sori (sarcastically): "Oh, I'm so scared. Look, I don't care
about your uncle; he's a nobody. Everybody thinks he's top dog and
holding an important position in the company."

Lee Sum Wan: "No, Avery Buddy just married my aunt. And Avery
Buddy doesn't work there."

Mr. Sori: "Like I said, I don't care which one of your aunts
sleeps around, and I also know that not everybody works here!
Jeez! Now, which one of my employees do you want to talk to?"

Lee Sum Wan: "Wheech Wan is my sister!"

Mr. Sori: "I don't know which one is your sister! How in God's
name would I know that?

[lawak] Duda Bertemu Janda

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Di sebuah perkampungan ada seorang duda yang sudah berumur tinggal seorg dirumah nya..anak2nye sume bekerja di bandar... Berdekatan rumah nya itu ada seorang janda yang juga agak berumur dan juga tinggal seorg... Sudah bertahun lama nya mereka berjiran dan sering juga berhubung kala kesunyian... .Suatu hari..di petang yang redup... si duda duduk di bawah pokok rambai..merenung ke arah rumah si janda... Si janda perasan dan datang menegur si duda... "Pak Uda oii..ape yang di menungkan nye tu... "... Si duda menunduk seketika..lalu menjawab "..Ada perkara aku nk bgtu ko ni Mak Jan.."... Berkerut dahi si janda... kerana kelihatan serius pulak si duda tu...

"ape nyer ..serius je bunyi nyer.." ... Si duda merenung si janda... lalu dengan kekuatan yang ade die berkata... "Aku ni kepingin nk berbinikan ko... ko sudi tk?.."... Si janda tersenyum..dan diam seketika ..lalu si janda menjawab "Erm... sudi... "... Setelah berborak seketika... si janda dan duda pun pulang kerumah masing2 kerana hari sudah menjelang senja...

Pada malam itu..si duda gelisah... dia tidak ingat jawapan yand diberikan si janda petang tadi..adakah dia sudi atau tak... yelah dah tue... memori pendek sket... Setelah berfikir sejenak... si duda tidak jugak mendapat jawapan... lalu terpksalah die bertanya sekali lagi kepada si janda... Si duda mendail no telepon si janda..nk dtg umah tk molek plk dah malam2 cmni...

"Helo... mak jan..pak uda di sini... aku ingin bertnya... almaklum dah tua mudah lupa... ptg tdi aku bertnya pada ko sudikah ko berkahwin dengan aku..apakah yang ko jawab.."... Mendengar suara si duda..si janda pun berkata "Aku jawab aku sudi..ikhlas dari hati... selamat ko telepon aku ..Pak Uda... "... si duda pelik dengan kata2 si janda lalu bertnya... "Kenapa... "... Dan si janda menjawab.."Aku pun lupe spe yang ajak aku kawin ptg tadi"

Sunday, August 15, 2010

[lawak] Perempuan Bijak

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Seorang lelaki dan wanita terlibat dalam kemalangan jalanraya yang dahsyat. Kereta mereka remuk sama sekali. Ajaibnya, kedua mereka selamat tanpa sebarang kecederaan. Selepas berjaya keluar, perempuan itu berkata kepada si lelaki, " Heran ye. Awak lelaki, saya wanita. Tengok la kereta kita. Hancus! Tapi kita tak apa-apa pun. Mungkin ini tanda dari tuhan untuk kita. Mungkin dah takdir kita akan berkawan & mungkin hingga ke jinjang pelamin", kata si wanita tersengih-sengih.

Si lelaki terkedu, "Saya setuju dengan kata-kata awak", katanya.

"Oh ye. Ini satu lagi keajaiban dari tuhan. Walaupun kereta saya rosak teruk, botol arak ini masih elok. Tak pecah pun. Mungkin ini tanda dari tuhan supaya kita minum ucap selamat untuk hal ini. Apa kata saudara?", kata si wanita sambil menghulurkan arak itu kepada si lelaki.

"Baiklah, demi persahabatan ini", kata si lelaki sambil dengan rakusnya meminum arak tersebut hingga separuh botol. Selepas itu dia menyerahkan botol itu kembali kepada si wanita. Si wanita menutup botol arak itu dan menghulurkan kembali kepada si lelaki.

Si lelaki bertanya dengan kehairanan,"Kenapa kamu tak minum sama?".

Si wanita membalas,"Takpe lah. Saya tunggu polis datang....

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Golden Rules For F***ing

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1. F***ing once a week is good for health,

But is harmful if done everyday.



2. F***ing gives proper relaxation to Mind & Body.



3.F***ing refreshes you.



4. After F***ing, don't take heavy food, opt for liquids.



5. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level.



6. F***ing reduces weight for sure...





"FASTing" is really good for Health !!!



WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

[teladan] Kisah Teladan Untuk Para Wanita

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*sekadar gambar hiasan*


"Abang ni, pakai tu elok-elok la sikit," kata Julia lembut sambil
membetulkan pakaian Ahmad. Ahmad tersenyum memandang isterinya.

"Cantik isteri abang hari ni," Ahmad mencubit pipi Julia lembut.

"Ayah, ayah, cepat la yah," Liz dan Lin meluru masuk ke bilik kerana
dah tak sabar-sabar nak bertolak pulang ke kampung.

"Yelah, yelah, ayah dah siap ni."
Julia hanya tersenyum melihat suaminya itu melayan karenah anak-anak
mereka yang comel dan manja. "Abang, dah lama kita tak balik kampung macam ni, ye?"


"Iyelah, maklumlah abang ni sibuk dengan urusan perniagaan. Baru kali
ni abang ada peluang untuk cuti panjang." Ahmad berkata kepada isterinya tercinta.

Perjalanan daripada KL ke Teluk Intan mengambil masa lebih kurang empat
jam. Liz dan Lin dah pun terlelap kat kerusi belakang. Begitu juga dengan isterinya,
Julia. "Tak sabar rasanya nak tiba kat kampung," Ahmad berkata dalam hati.

Sedikit demi sedikit Ahmad menekan minyak keretanya. Semakin lama
keretanya semakin laju dan Ahmad semakin seronok. Ahmad dah tak sabar untuk segera sampai
ke kampungnya. Pedal minyak ditekannya lagi dan Honda Civicnya mula
memecut.Ahmad cilok kiri, cilok kanan. Habis semua kenderaan dipotongnya. Bangga betul
Ahmad masa tu. Terlupa dia sekejap pada anak dan isterinya yang sedang tidur.

"Eh abang, kenapa bawa laju sangat ni?" tiba-tiba Julia terjaga dari
tidurnya.

"Tak ada apa la sayang, rileks... cepat sikit kita sampai kampung
nanti."

"Sabar bang, sabar. Biar lambat tak apa.... jangan laju sangat bang,
Julia takut." Julia cuba memujuk Ahmad supaya memperlahankan kenderaannya.

"Rileks Julia, tak ada apa-apa," Ahmad terus memotong bas ekspres di
depannya tanpa was-was.

"Haaa..kan, tengok. Tak ada apa-apa kan?" kata Ahmad setelah berjaya
memotong bas ekspres tadi.

"Sudah la tu bang."

"Ha... tu ada satu lagi bas ekspres. Julia tengok abang motong dia
aaa...." Ahmad terus masuk gear 3, pedal minyak ditekannya hingga jejak ke lantai.
Ahmad terus membelok ke kanan untuk memotong dan.... di depannya tersergam sebuah
lori balak yang besar dan gagah dan..... BANG!!.



"Julia....bangun nak," sayup-sayup terdengar suara emaknya.

Julia membuka matanya. Dia terlihat emaknya di situ. "Mana abang Ahmad
mak? Macammana dengan suami saya, mak? Liza, Linda....mana anak-anak saya
mak?"

Bertubi-tubi Julia menyoal emaknya. Julia tak dapat menahan
kesedihannya lagi. Julia menangis semahu-mahunya di depan emaknya. Emaknya memandang Julia
tepat-tepat.

"Macamana dengan suami Julia mak, abang Ahmad?" Julia masih terus menangis.



PANGGG!!. Kepala Julia ditampar oleh emaknya dengan tiba-tiba. Julia
terdiam. Kenapa emaknya buat dia macam tu?





"Banyak la engkau punya suami! Muka dahlah tak cun, study pun malas,
kerja pun takde, ada hati nak berlaki. Apa punya anak dara la kau ni?? Tu la,
tidur lagi senja-senja macam ni! Dah! Bangun pegi sembahyang! Asar pun dah nak
habis!" emaknya terus merungut sambil berlalu keluar....... dan Julia tersengih
keseorangan.Rasa macam nak masuk dalam tin biskut! "


Moral of the story: Solatlah asar terlebih dahulu sebelum dipelempang oleh ibu anda.

[teladan] 4 Things You Cannot Recover

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*sekadar gambar hiasan*



A young lady was waiting for flight in the boarding room of a big airport. As she
would need to wait many hours, she decided to buy a book to spend her time.

She also bought a packet of cookies. She sat down in an armchair, in the VIP room of the airport, to rest and read in peace. Beside the armchair where the packet of
cookies lay, a man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and started
reading.

When she took out the first cookie, the man took one also. She felt irritated but
said nothing. She just thought: "What a nerve! If I was in the mood, I would
punch him for daring!" For each cookie she took, the man took one too. This was
infuriating her but she didn't want to cause a scene. When only one cookie
remained, she thought: "Ahhh.... What will this abusive man do now?"

Then, the man, taking the last cookie, dividing it into half, giving her one half.
Ah! That was too much! She was much too angry now. In a huff, she took her
book, her things and stormed to the boarding place.

When she sat down in her seat, inside the plane, she looked into her bag to take
her eyeglasses, and, to her surprise, her packet of cookies was there untouched!
Unopened!

She felt so ashamed! She realized that she was wrong. She had forgotten that her
cookies were kept in her bag. The man had divided his cookies with her, without
feeling angered or bitter... while she had been very angry, thinking that she was
dividing her cookies with him. And now there was no chance to explain herself...
nor to apologize.

The moral of the story is...
There are 4 things that you cannot recover.

The stone... after the throw!
The word... after it's said!
The occasion... after the loss!
The time... after it's gone!

Friday, August 13, 2010

[teladan]kisah bola hitam dan bola putih..

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bace tau...sedey. ..isk.....



Rahsia bola hitam & putih

Bermula ceritanya ada seorang anak lelaki tunggal yang kematian ibu
selepas Dia dilahirkan. Selepas itu bapanya menjadi terlalu workaholic dan
tak
Kahwin2 lagi. Tapi si anak baik hati dan lemah lembut walaupun
cuma tinggal bersama pengasuh je.

Lepas Tadika, sementara member2 lain
dah ada basikal, dia masih berjalan
kaki.

Pengasuhnya mengadu kepada
bapanya.... "Tuan, tak kesian ke dgn anak tuan? Dia
Tak ada basikal...apa tuan tak segan?"


Lantas...... . si bapa memanggil si anak, ditawarkan beskal
yang macam mana dan si anak cuma bagitau,



"Tak payah susah2 la
papa, belikan je saya bola itam dan bola putih ..."

Hek eleh takkan macamtu kot? Bingung si bapa. "Kenapa bola itam dan putih?"


"Tak perlulah saya terangkan kenapa. Kalau papa ada duit, belikan
itu je."


Bila ingatkan si anak tak pernah meminta2, so bapanya terima
je. maka dibelikanlah anaknya itu basikal model terbaru dan terkini masa tu,
yang paling canggih, ditambah dgn bola hitam dan bola putih.



Masa berlalu


kemudian si anak masuk Sek.Rendah. Lepas itu musim kasut roda.

Sekian lama si pengasuh perhatikan, budak tu tak pernah minta bapanya

membelikan kasut roda untuknya. Tiap2 petang dia cuma duduk2 je. Basikalnya
disimpan di dlm stor..


Maka Si Pengasuhnya menyatakan pendapatnya lagi
kepada si bapa.

Kemudian si bapa memanggil anaknya lagi. "anakku, kamu
tak nak dibelikan kasut roda

macam kawan2 kamu? Apsal tak bagitau kat
Papa?. No problem setakat beli
kasut roda je...".

Si anak
menjawab,"Tak perlulah papa, bola hitam dan bola putih saya
dah
rosak..
Kalau boleh papa beli lagi k..tak payah lah beli kasut
roda.

Lagipun ianya jauh lebih murah berbanding kasut roda, kan
papa?"

Si bapa geram . walaubagaimanapun, si bapa tetap belikan anaknya
kasut
roda, ditambah bola hitam dan
bola putih.

Selang beberapa
tahun, si anak masuk Sek.Men. Cerita sama berulang.

Sekarang kawan2nya
main permainan lain- main roller blade. musim
rollerblade melanda
kwasan tempat tinggal nya.
Trend baru....

Sementara tu, budak lelaki
tersebut masih setia dengan kasut rodanya... Lepas
bapanya
pulang dari luar
negeri dan terlihat anaknya yang masih pakai kasut roda,
si
bapa jadi malu
sangat2. Teruk betul, rumah macam pusat beli belah, syarikat
banyak,
keluar
negeri lagi tu...........Tapi anak lelakinya ketinggalan zaman.
Keesokkan
harinya, dalam bilik
anaknya sudah ada sepasang roller blade
baru bersama secebis nota: "Biar
kamu tak
malu".

Pada malamnya,
terdapat secebis nota balasan di ruang kerja si bapa. Nota
tersebut berbunyi:
"Papa, Kenapa tak belikan
bola hitam dan bola putih? Saya lebih sukakan
nya."

"Haaah,, si bapa mengeluh serta bingung selepas membaca nota itu.
Apalah
istimewanya
bola itam dan bola putih!!?

Keesokkan hari dan
seterusnya lagi si bapa berkali2 ditinggalkan nota
sebegitu...hingga
dia
tak tahan dan terus membelikan anak lelaki nya bola hitam dan bola
putih
untuk
kesekian kalinya.

Benar, setelah mendapat bola hitam & bola
putih tu, si anak tidak lagi
mendesak bapanya.. Secebis nota juga
ditinggalkan di ruang kerja si bapa..
"trima kasih byk2 papa kerana belikan
saya bola hitam dan bola putih"

Masa berlalu....

Ketika di Sek
Men, yang jaraknya agak jauh, si anak masih berulang-alik
dengan bas,
member2nya sudah ada yang membawa motor dan kereta ke sekolah...
Suatu hari,
ketika bapanya ada di rumah, si anak dihantar pulang oleh
membernya dengan
motor Harley Davidson color biru laut. Si bapa menjadi
sangat
malu.
Anaknya bukan 4, bukan 3,...2 pun tidak.

Itulah satu-satunya anaknya.
Itupun tidak dibelikan motor untuk kesenangan
anaknya! Maka
ditawarkan
Anaknya untuk dia membeli sebuah motorsikal. Si anak menolak
tawaran
ayahnya dengan alasan motor kurang
praktis, lagipun si anak cuma
inginkan bola hitam & bola putih sahaja! Si
bapa
tidak dapat menerima
penolakan itu. Kerana anaknya dah beso panjang, boleh
berbincang.
Akhirnya
tercetus keputusan dimana si anak dibelikan motorsikal, ditambah
pula dgn
bola hitam dan
bola putih semestinya!! .

Tetapi si bapa masih kesal........
Kesal kerana sudah beberapa tahun dia belikan
anak lelakinya bola hitam &
bola putih tetapi tidak tahu kenapa anaknya
begitu memerlukan sebiji bola
hitam & sebiji bola putih! Dan Si anak pula
tak pernah bagitahu kenapa
dan mengapa dia amat memerlukan bola hitam &
bola putih...

Sehingga
tibalah masa untuk anaknya melanjutkan pelajaran ke Universiti.
Kerana
gembira dan bangga anaknya dapat masuk Universiti, si anak
dihadiahkan oleh
si bapa sebuah kereta
Ferrari keluaran terbaru.

Akan tetapi, sehingga
beberapa bulan si anak masih lagi menaiki motoooor
je.

Sehingga
aweknya juga turut bingung- kan ke dia ada ferrari? kenapa naik
motoooooor
jeeeee..
Bila ditanya, maka dijawab budak lelaki tersebut: abis bapanya tak
belikan
bola hitam bola putih. Tak
faham perasaan anak
sendiri!

Suatu hari si anak mengajak aweknya makan malam bersama dgn
bapanya. So,
selepas makan malam tersebut si awek mengambil kesempatan untuk
bertanya
kpd si bapa, kenapa pak cik
tak belikan bola hitam bola
putih?

Si bapa terkedu kerana dia sebenarnya sensitif dengan bola2
tu..huh..sampai
awek anak aku pun
tanya...bila si bapa menanyakan si awek
semula kenapa soalan tu yang di
tanya?. Si
awek pun bagitau, anak
lelakinya tidak akan sekali kali menyentuh
Ferrarinya selagi tidak diberi
bola hitam & bola putih!!


Si bapa bingung, di ruang bilik anaknya
sudah begitu banyak bola hitam &
bola putih.
Nak buat apa lagii...,
fikir si Papa. Tapi demi memelihara imejnya di
hadapan awek
anakmya itu,
maka esoknya sudah ada bola hitam & bola putih buat anaknya

Suatu
hari si anak membawa aweknya ke tempat peranginan yang berbukit
bukau
menaiki Ferrari untuk brsiar2.. Yelah,
anak muda kan , ketika tenang memandu
si anak dicium aweknya dan dia jadi
gelabah
dan terus accident!!! Mereka
segera dikejarkan ke hospital dan si bapa juga
dimaklum
oleh pihak polis
tentang perkara tersebut. Keduanya cedera parah kerana
mereka tidak memakai
seatbelt, si
awek mati dalam perjalanan ke hospital dan si anak
tenat.

Si bapa tiba di Hospital.."macamman a doktor, anak
saya?"

Doktor (dengan simpati dan penuh duka cita) :"Maaf Encik, kami
telah
berusaha sedaya upaya.. tetapi terserah kepada Nya.. sebaiknya
Encik
manfaatkanlah waktu2 terakhir bersama anak encik.."

Perlahan si
bapa masuk, mendekati anaknya.

"Papa, maafkan saya..tidak berhati hati
semasa memandu.." si anak juga
menangis
kerana aweknya tak dapat
diselamatkan. Si bapa cuba menenangkan
dia....akrablah dua
manusia itu
beberapa saat. sehingga si bapa beranggapan ini adalah saat
pertemuan
terakhir antara dia dan anak lelakinya... .
Dia teringat kembali persoalan yang
selama ini sering bermain di benaknya
dan keinginannya untuk mengetahui
tentang "mengapa anaknya selama ini
selalu minta bola hitam bola
putih"


"Nak, maafkan papamu kerana selama ini papa selalu sibuk..
sehingga kamu
sering
kesepian..maafkan papa, nak.. Papa tak berkesempatan
untuk menjadi ayah yang
baik."

Anaknya menjawab dalam keadaan
lemah,"tak mengapa papa, saya faham.. Cuma
saya kecewa disebabkan papa
ada
kemewahan, papa belikan saya macam2.... saya cuma minta bola hitam
dan
bola putih je kan ?"

Si bapa rasa timing jawapan untuk
persoalannya sudah tepat.., "KENAPA KAMU
SELALU MINTA BOLA HITAM &
BOLA
PUTIH ANAKKU... ADA APA DENGAN
BOLA2 ITU SEHINGGA IANYA BEGITU
BERERTI
BUATMU?"




(anda semua pun ingin tahu kan
...?)







Si anak menjawab dengan nada terputus putus
kerana sudah tidak dapat
bertahan dan
masanya sudah hampir
tiba....



"sebabnya .........saya.. saya....
saya...."



*hep* Kepalanya perlahan lahan rebah dan hembusan
nafasnya hilang. Si anak
sudah meninggal sebelum
sempat memberitau bapanya
tentang bola hitam & bola putih.

Tengok, si bapa yang selalu hidup
bersama anaknya pun tak tau...apalagi aku
yang cuma bercerita, lagi la tak
tau ape ape... MACAMMANA NI? Kecewa jugak
nih.
Isk!Isk! Isk!........ ...Rasa
nak tumbuk je perut orang yang mula-mula
forward kat
aku.

P/S :

Amacam rasa..... Takkan aku nak jadi korban sorang2 je kan .. kehkehkeh .....

btw, saje saje je aku letak tag teladan tu nak suh lebih lawak jadinye.. haha...