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Friday, September 24, 2010

[lawak] Perbualan Dalam Mahkamah

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ini adalah sebahagian dari perbualan2 yang kelakar pernah berlaku dalam makamah..


Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

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Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
Witness: "July 15th."
Lawyer: "What year?"
Witness: "Every year."

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Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."

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Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."

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Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
Witness: "I forget."
Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"

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Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."

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Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

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Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
Witness: "No."

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Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"

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Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Witness: "None."
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"

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Lawyer: "Have you lived in this town all your life?"
Witness: "Not yet."

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Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Witness: "No."

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Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."

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Lawyer: "Did he pick the dog up by the ears?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "What was he doing with the dog's ears?"
Witness: "Picking them up in the air."
Lawyer: "Where was the dog at this time?"

Witness: "Attached to the ears."

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* Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
* Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
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* Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
* Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
* Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
* Witness: "Yes."
* Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
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* Lawyer: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?"
* Witness: "Oral."
* Lawyer: "How old are you?"
* Witness: "Oral."
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* Lawyer: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?"
* Witness: "She is my daughter."
* Lawyer: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?"
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* Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
* Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
* Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
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* Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
* Witness: "I could see his head."
* Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
* Witness: "Just above his shoulders."

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